So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
only you would photoshop your dick
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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