I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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