dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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