no, he came in my armpit
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
