So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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