i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize