Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
