cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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