If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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