her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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