Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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