just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
