I think my fart just growled at me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
