I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
