My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The Olympian is in my bed
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
