Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
