I cannot find my penis.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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