i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
