I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
