I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
