One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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