How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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