I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
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Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
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Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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