yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just invented taco cereal.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
