My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have tasted many bathrooms
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
