Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.