the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
