I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I know where his drugs are but not my pants