My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night