That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?