You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying