You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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