Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
