Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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