tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Still dying that you shit outside
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
