My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
