just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
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Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Holy shit dude........stairs
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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