is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
