Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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