i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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