I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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