Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You ruined the universe
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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