I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
