Sry I called you an 8
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
