guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
