i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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