im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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