Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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