You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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