standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
