all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There are leaves in my underwear?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
