This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
