i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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