matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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