hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
