You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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