He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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