i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
