Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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