I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
