Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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