I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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