I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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