He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
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Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
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If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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