Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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