At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
